Of Aliens and Predators
Ok so I saw Aliens Vs. Predator this weekend, and after giving it some thought I really don't think it was all that horrible. Is it a classic like Aliens or Predator 1? No way. Is it as bad as Howard the Duck or even Chronicles of Riddick? Not that bad either.
I came to see aliens and predators beat the snot out of each other, and there is plenty of that. What is missing, however, is key to making a great movie. Minor spoilers below if you care:
1) Try to tell a story. This movie doesn't really tell a story or even have characters that ANYONE cares about. Actually some characters were just SO shoved into the movie I felt like I must have blanked out and missed said character's introduction. Very poorly scripted.
2) Make the aliens scary. Come on people! The ALIENS are fucking SCARY unless you completely botch it. I realize that you don't have the suspense that previous movies had going for you (not knowing what to expect, etc.) but the aliens in this movie must be from the "b" team. They don't really spook you out. Actually they don't even spook out the characters either. It’s more like "aw shoot, looks like I'm gonna have an alien pop outta my chest! (rim shot)".
3) Use actors that can act. See #2, but the humans in this story need help. Psst, the thing dripping with ooze that just killed your friend is scary. Act scared.
4) Make the Predators bad-asses. Don't drop the first of the three in the VERY FIRST FUCKING BATTLE WITH THE ALIENS BEFORE HE EVEN KNOWS THEY ARE THERE. Again, these Predators must be from the "b" team.
5) Don't try to do a tender "don't die on me" scene with a human female and a predator... thing. It doesn't work and it cheapens them as a monster.
So I guess in the words of Danny Glover, "I'm getting too old for this shit!" The movie had some good moments, but one of my tests for a franchise movie is "if the franchise wasn't there, would it still be good?" This fails to pass the test on all fronts.
I came to see aliens and predators beat the snot out of each other, and there is plenty of that. What is missing, however, is key to making a great movie. Minor spoilers below if you care:
1) Try to tell a story. This movie doesn't really tell a story or even have characters that ANYONE cares about. Actually some characters were just SO shoved into the movie I felt like I must have blanked out and missed said character's introduction. Very poorly scripted.
2) Make the aliens scary. Come on people! The ALIENS are fucking SCARY unless you completely botch it. I realize that you don't have the suspense that previous movies had going for you (not knowing what to expect, etc.) but the aliens in this movie must be from the "b" team. They don't really spook you out. Actually they don't even spook out the characters either. It’s more like "aw shoot, looks like I'm gonna have an alien pop outta my chest! (rim shot)".
3) Use actors that can act. See #2, but the humans in this story need help. Psst, the thing dripping with ooze that just killed your friend is scary. Act scared.
4) Make the Predators bad-asses. Don't drop the first of the three in the VERY FIRST FUCKING BATTLE WITH THE ALIENS BEFORE HE EVEN KNOWS THEY ARE THERE. Again, these Predators must be from the "b" team.
5) Don't try to do a tender "don't die on me" scene with a human female and a predator... thing. It doesn't work and it cheapens them as a monster.
So I guess in the words of Danny Glover, "I'm getting too old for this shit!" The movie had some good moments, but one of my tests for a franchise movie is "if the franchise wasn't there, would it still be good?" This fails to pass the test on all fronts.
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